Santa Rosa Beach, Florida – April 2010
I might have also ranted about this here:
Tags: nature, photography, Wordless Wednesday
Martha's Vineyard, August 2010
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Tags: Americana, photography, Wordless Wednesday
Over at Transatlantic Blonde's site, we are all talking about feminism and fashion today. I must confess to being a bit ambivalent on this topic. For the sake of brevity, I'll give you all a quick breakdown:
On the good side:
- I mostly see fashion as a form of self-expression. One that is (often) used to make a statement about one's belief's, values, etc.
- Fashion can also be a way to break away from stereotypes …
photo courtesy of corbis.com
- or a way to identify oneself as belonging to a social group, age group, or other clique.
For me, dressing fashionably (not necessarily trendy-ily) makes me feel confident and put together. That may seem shallow to some and that is okay with me. Fashion is not for everyone, to be sure.
HOWEVER, the fashion industry has done much to perpetuate our obsession over body-size, weight, aging, and more. There are multiple studies showing that very young girls have body image problems. These perception problems are in large part due to fashion magazines and shows that feature overly skinny female models and glorify them as ideal. Young girls (and boys) internalize these images of ideal and then compare themselves. Of course, we adults know that 1) the models are unhealthy and unrealistic, and 2) in print, EVERYONE looks great thanks to good lighting, airbrushing, Photoshop, et al. But kids do not. Just the way adults are invested in believing that The Bachelor is 'real', so are many girls/women invested in believing they can look like this phony ideal. Of course, much of my criticism here goes beyond simply fashion. But those other areas (media, pop culture, etc.) are different rants for different days. For today, I remain ambivalent about the intersection of fashion and feminism.
As a mom and a person who enjoys fashion, I do struggle with how my daughter perceives herself when it comes to clothes. There is a fine line between fashion as an accessory and fashion as an extension of one's essence. I hope to teach her the former and recognize the latter if it shows up.
I might have also ranted about this here:
Tags: fashion, feminism, motherhood
I am not writing this post because my questions are unique. Hardly. In fact, maybe I write about them here because they are universal. I don't know. But I write nevertheless. You tell me if they are universal.
The tug between the duties of parenthood, wifedom (sort of like fiefdom, one can guess?), and personhood seem to spin me around daily. It is not so much a not-enough-hours-in-the-day thing, though that is always omnipresent. For me, it is the pull between what I need/want, what my family needs/wants, and what life throws in my general direction.
As my kids have grown up a little bit, I have found that the isolation and time-consuming nature of motherhood has eased. This has left me happy and wanting to enjoy the next phase. But I find this phase crowded. I find that I want to take up multiple hobbies, re-design my living room and my kids' rooms, exercise more, go out with girlfriends more, read more, learn more. Just more more more. A mini-ranting mommy sits on one shoulder saying 'Do it! You need it! You earned it! You are awesome!' or something like that. A mini-rational mommy sits on the other saying, 'Girl please. Go in that room and play Chutes and Ladders for the 4,391st time .. and LIKE it.' Or something like that.
The thing is all that shoulder talk creates its own form of inertia. Like right now, I am writing this post while my computer is sitting on top of today's newspaper. I have TweetDeck open and watching both my timelines. I have a book staring at me. My to-do list needs editing and, well, attention. I am perusing a flyer for a local university to decide if I want to take ballroom dancing, photography, creative writing, or French (again). So, maybe that is not inertia; maybe that is ADD. But still, I get bogged down in the possibilities, then all of the sudden … my daughter taps me on the shoulder and says 'Read this book with me, Mommy.'
The journey continues. What direction to go? Where to prioritize? How to rationalize/justify the decision? I don't know. But at least I got ONE thing done. This post. Yeah me!
I might have also ranted about this here:
Tags: children, motherhood, parenthood, ranting, worry, writing
The lovely blogger Transatlantic Blonde has started a new meme called the Friday Feminist Mom Roundup. I found out about this opportunity quite by accident, but in the way I find out A LOT of news … through Twitter. The idea instantly appealed to me because 1) I feel pretty strongly about feminism, 2) I am a mom, and 3) feminism has traditionally gotten a pretty bad rap over the years.
Today, I am going to focus on one specific thing that relates to parenting and is a personal pet peeve of mine: gender stereotyping. More specifically gender-role stereotyping (which takes me into the area of psychology-isms, so I will leave it at gender stereotyping). I have some time restrictions today (story of my life), so I will keep it brief.
So here is my rant: it drives me nuts that we box in our children to certain stereotypical behavior, dress, toys, etc. at such an early age. Here are a few of examples that make me twitch:
- Little girls have long (or at least longish) hair and boys have short hair. My 4 year-old daughter already says this. Grrrrrrr. People constantly call my son, whose hair is longish and curly, a girl. It does not bother me in the slightest, but the presumption is silly.
- Girls are supposed to like the color pink, Barbies (another rant for another day), and playing dressing up. Boys are supposed to like playing in dirt, tearing up or crashing things, and bugs. Why? Says who? My daughter likes the color yellow, planting plants, and finding bugs. My son loves to wear my hats, glasses, and sometimes my shoes, does not like his hands to be dirty, and likes playing with his sister's dolls. Why should ANY of that behavior by either of them be even given a second-thought?
- I recently took my daughter with me to the nail salon to get her nails painted, as decidedly 'girly' thing. When we returned, my son whined a little because he wanted his nails painted too. My husband chimed in that 'boys don't paint their nails'. I bristled. Sure that is typically true, but why not just offer to do something else special just for him? Or paint his nails with clear polish?
- This summer, I enrolled my daughter in several different summer camps each with their own themes. There was a princess camp and a super heroes camp. Guess which one they offered her? Boo. She actually OWNS a cape and mask that she uses for dress up. Granted she also owns several princess and ballet dresses too because she LIKES dressing up, but still.
These are but a few. Now, don't get me wrong. I truly believe in celebrating all there beauty there is in being female. Those are lessons I hope to teach my daughter throughout my lifetime. In addition, I think boys should know that being male is special in its own right. And, no, I would not send my son to kindergarten dressed in a princess outfit or with his nails painted purple. But it bothers me immensely that both of my kids WILL go to kindergarten with all these stereotypes imprinted on their brains already. Bugs me. Anyone else?
I might have also ranted about this here:
Tags: feminism, parenthood, stereotypes
Atlanta Botanical Gardens – June 2010
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Tags: photography, Wordless Wednesday
Morning dew – Tucson, AZ
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Tags: nature, photography, Wordless Wednesday
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Oh yeah …hiya! Long time, no blog. Yep. Not that I haven't thought of you, dear blog, I just haven't wanted you lately. Don't take it personally … I can be flaky like that sometimes.
On to the next topic (see? Flaky)
Father's Day is always a little bittersweet for me now. As you may know, I lost my Dad 8 years ago. We had a complicated relationship for most of my life. I know he loved me tremendously, but we were very different creatures and both VERY stubborn. Not a good mix. But we persevered and thank the holy gods of all things good, we made peace toward the end of his life.
The reality is that how a young girl shapes her understanding of men, relationships, parenthood, love, etc. is so powerfully related to this first crucial relationship. My father was big, burly man. He could use his size to intimidate (with intent to or not). He was a cop, so he had some power/authority issues, too. But he WAS a father. He provided for us. He made sure we could do the things we wanted to do, both individually and as a family. He never took vacation time unless it was for a family vacation. After we grew up and moved on, he only took two vacations that I knew of. My parents divorced when I was 19. He was never really the same after that. It broke his heart and soul. He realized how helpless he could be in many ways. That broke his spirit. The adjustment was long and painful. As I type these words, my eyes are full of tears .. remembering how hard it was for him to just figure out the grocery store was heart-wrenching. And deflating. I remember having a strong resentment that this man I had seen as
I might have also ranted about this here:
Tags: fathers, parenthood, parenting
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